Proud Peacock!

Priya Sakhi

Happy Independence day Dear Friend!

Today I think of the Mahatma who said `I’m a lover of my own liberty, and so I would do nothing to restrict yours."

Today as we celebrate our 68th year of Independence-- have we lived up to the Mahatma's vision of Free India? 

For that matter how much of the vision of all our great leaders, seers, pioneers, scientists, artistes are we fulfilling? 

Is this vision needed? I am free! I am responsible! And that is enough?
The above question is not a rhetoric one.

Now as a dancer what does this  freedom mean? 
I am ever proud to be an Indian and even `prouder' to be an Indian classical dancer.
Hey then you can call me a Proud Peacock-- as I am a dancer, and Indian and hence the peacock? and very proud to be so? Clever aint I?
Priya Sakhi , no, no do not throw that cushion on me-- I promise no mokkai-s.

But am I independent as a dancer? Not really. There is that interdependence on music, musicians, mentors, patrons -- the list is endless.

 Being a dancer (of the travails I need not mention) is getting more difficult! No, this is not `I do not even have one solo' whine, sakhi!

The life of a dancer is unique!
As a profession it is one that is best pursued with a passion. The returns from it is intangible,  inexplicable and hence misunderstood.
A passion that is often not understood as it cannot be structured in a tight corporate  financial module.

Very often I have observed that when a corporate woman travels, she is busy looking at figures, meetings and conferences, it is appreciated.
But many times people look at me strangely when I as a Bharatanataym dancer go for a meeting! You work in an office?, they ask!
No thankfully not!

But do we have a structure? We all work hard, many of us start the day at 6.00, classes, rehearsals, recording sessions, meetings(!!), programmes, research libraries.... 

And then when we get engaged  to be married,  that unspoken fear  follows-- what happens to my dance? can I pursue my passion?!!

But Sakhi as you know, I always thank god for that one statement that my then`prospective partner' and my `now husband' made-- why are you asking me permission to dance when it is a part of your life, even before you met me?'
Sakhi, now friend do not go supporting him....you are on my side remember?
Just kidding!

But having said that, what a struggle it is for most dancers who work as hard as any other from the corporate world!
Is there any policy for the arts that does not involve any confusion?( the present circular from the Ministry of Culture, being a classic example).
There are efforts to clarify, amend rules... but everything is a struggle.

Personal freedom, personal glory, personal opportunities vis-a-vis the fraternity and its concerns at large.
Criticisms, praise, conflicts, understanding, positive, negative.....

But ! when we dance that bubble envelopes us--- it is only music, it is only me , my emotion, then even `I' disappears--- it is Krishna, it is Devaki,  Radha, it is Sita--- Everything else ceases to be! A wonderful ideal state...
I have the freedom, freedom of delving within myself, to be free.
 Sakhi!
I am proud to be a peacock-- an Indian dancer!

Broken thoughts

Priya Sakhi! My friend, Mon Amie....

I have been wanting to do this for a long time. To tell you anything that comes to my mind! Not in a very organised way but just random  thoughts, emotions, in no pattern. Why should there be a pattern, a coherent one? Incoherence is a crime? As in a poetry or piece of modern art with its wonderful splash of colours...

Is not life like that-- myriad of motions, thoughts, of cacophony and of silence, of extremes....
 So Sakhi-- I am going to share whatever comes to my mind-- who else  but you will put up with this?

Priya Sakhi...

It is raining heavily here in Chennai! Respite from the punishing heat that we have bee subjected to by Surya bhagvan.
Rain, the drops that fall, first tentative and then it increases in speed-- ever tried putting tala to rain? There is no pattern but why should there be?

There is Rhythm in everything-- from the heart beat, rhythm in the changing season, rhythm in silence even!

In natya that silence after a `climax' is what adds to a presentation.

Silence conveys a million emotions... Remember this song?

People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb .....
The sound of silence.

Sakhi you might ask me why am I in this mood?

Rain does this to me-- Rain is good but for me it brings me memories-- painful and happy. Of birth and death
Water droplets , when they fall on you, on your eyes, your cheek.... love  them and then the speed and intensity increases.. we take cover. Mazhai-- `Dhikkul yettum sidhari sidhari dheem tharikita, dheem tahrikita, dheem tharikita...'

Very much like life! it starts of being wonderful and then.....
we love the rhythm, the sounds, the beats, the uniform beats, the off-beat ones, the variant one and then  finally enjoy the silence that ensues.

 The unspoken word, the emotion that is there right there controlled but waiting to come out-- that is more interesting! 
  Life starts that way.... with the heart beat inside the womb, struggle starts right from coming out  of the womb-- push push, we come pushing out with a rhythm of breathing... the pace of life slowly increases...crawling, unsteady walking with a tisra nadai?, then a beat is added, then running, running to realise our ambitions, away from that emotion, running a race, then a `rat race'....
 We fall, fall ill-- there is a pause....
we reflect, we ponder, we wonder...
then we pick up our pace again...

Run, Run, Run from first speed to tenth speed! silence? what is that?

Life is like that only Priya Sakhi-- shoo ! Quietly let us face this frenzy life....

Sakhi? Are you listening?

`WITHOUT MUSIC LIFE WILL BE A MISTAKE'--NIETZCHE

Music, Sangeetham, Sur.... Priya Sakhi...

What is this life without music?

When I am  down it revives me, when I am excited it calms me... 

Not one kind of music. From Classical to Folk-- Western, Indian, Spanish , Reggae....

 Dear Sakhi, as a youngster I would think to myself how lovely it would be if the background score in movies was present in real life too. Imagine then when you are watching the moon rise, you hear  some romantic music..when you see shades of green as you travel-- the violins play along...

(Well it does nowadays , what with I-pods,  phones, earphones and downloading  your favourite music-- that too for   free!)

When someone asks me what my favourite colour is... I am stumped!Love green, red, orange, blue, black, white...almost everything.

Favourite food-- stumped! Love Bhel, North Indian, South Indian, Mexican, Italian, French-- I am hungry! 

Who is your best friend?- stumped-- and that is another story! But you my Sakhi is closest to my heart.

I can write about each one of them for pages! 

But this is about Music. Favourite Music?

Growing up with Music-- both Western and Indian- all parties at home I remember were parties with music!

Guitars strumming, The beat of drums in a bucket or table, food and ....Do I miss those days. `Every shalala....its yesterday once more!'

I remember me going berserk with the Chariots of Fire theme music. Mahesh and Srikanth (my brothers) and my cousins exposed me to Beatles, Pink Flyod, Jean Luc Ponty, Shakthi, Earl Klugh, Jethro Tull... an endless list. 

(Oh I have to tell you that the One Annual day that they attended in my school, I was dancing for `Come September'!  They had to see me do a t`a tei tei ta' and of course `tei ha tei hi' for it ! Never heard the last of it!).  

We listened to Hindi Film songs, Ghazals, Hindustani, Tamil Film songs,  Beautiful Carnatic music of my Athai (Seethalkashmi Venkatesan) and other greats. We knew Semmangudi mama, lived in the same road as Chembai...I learnt music from Madurai N. Krishnan. 

Then, attended endless kutcheri-s with my  dear gang of friends during the season. Made our own lists of artistes  and venues, years before the music reckoners came during the `December Season'.

It was music that brought us together.

Without music where would I be as a dancer? If my Smarathinamam made an impact-- it is because of Valson's genius version of it! His Saagara sayana Vibho.... Jayashri's Jo Jo Jo-- sung so softly... she actually makes Rama sleep in front of our eyes! Just her soft music!  

The sweet voice of Padmavalli teacher, Nandini, G. Srikanth.. that phrase of Sruti Sagar on the flute--- the ragamalika of Vijayaraghavan sir... Oh!the list is long, the genres varied. 

So I am totally baffled when a dancer tells me that she does not know Music! Not learnt! Does not listen!

Ah?  Really? Yup! Who is this? Keep Guessing! 

Now, Now Sakhi---  when are you going to sing to me? 

Till then .... I have to tell you this.. Praana...

                                           Sakhi Praana....

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.” 
― Bob Marley

 

 

MAYA --- you colour my thoughts!

 Priya Sakhi...

It has been a long time dear friend....

In these days--  of over a month and a half-- I have met many wonderful people,  taught, learnt from these experiences, performed, toured the US-- a myriad of experiences, of thoughts and emotions!

But is this about our workshop- performance trip of the US? NO

But  the trip has put me in  reflective mode... from the people I observed in our Layovers at different airports to the different kinds of students that we (Roja and I) met..to our wonderful Hosts....

Hey as I said this is not about our trip!

It is about being a dancer, a teacher, choreographer... the cliched labels that I so pompously give myself!

As you know, ever so often, I question my reason to be a dancer... what is the efficacy about being one. The Self, the dancer Self in me is always subjected to a lot of tests.

Having my  training from one of the best guru-s, my conviction about my style (bani), my learning is a 100 percent.
As students of Natya, we are constantly being evaluated..

From the micro level of the teaching process to the various tests that we face-- say-- The Junior Scholarship, Senior Scholarship from the Centre, the Iyal Isai Nataka Mandram `4' programmes from our State, Grading at Doordarshan, Empanelment at ICCR... the list goes on...

My Senior scholarship interview was the scariest--- entered a room at Kalakshetra (where the interview was held) to actually see Guru Kittappa Pillai, Padhukka, Shantha Akka, Chitra Akka  in the panel of judges!
But it was a challenge. You think I could breathe straight? But when I got that Scholarship it was something I treasured/treasure even now.

Of course we  are constantly being evaluated by the Press. When I was younger I remember that a good review from NMN of the Hindu meant something. To be written about by Sri. Subbudu... K.S. Mahadevan... well it was the Ultimate! The feeling on a Friday morning, after a programme-- to be written about by Leelaji, Nandini Akka,  Sunil ji, Chitra, Rupa, Vidya and of course Veejay Sai (Ayyo) -- then we have portals now-- the views of Vincent, Anita.... Then, we have to face the comments couched in vindictiveness and anonymity in other blogs and portals-- criticisms, comments and stray praises for your art, your appearance.

Phew! Is it not a wonder we are even sane or are we?

But Sakhi I have always wondered how does one evaluate Art absolutely? Is Art Absolute or Relative? For that matter the concept of Time being a very relative concept hits you when you travel abroad. Well, as a student of Indian Philosophy and as an ardent admirer of Sankara, I do know that there is only ONE! But `Maya ' still colours me!

 Oh yes that is why I react to this news of being evaluated  by `One Body' for performances abroad for  a government-sponsored tour abroad. I think it would be exciting and fair if there is a panel of Senior guru-s-- a panel for each of the varied classical styles. A panel of artistes, officials. That would be unbiased and acceptable.

Sakhi ! I know you want to ask me whether I have  been invited by the government to perform? Whether I have shifted my base to New Delhi? Whether my opinions matter?

Let me just say I am a positive person living in my delusional world!

I wonder...

Priya Sakhi

There is so much happening in our country.
I often wonder what is to happen.
Are we Secular?
Is this good? or That?

Results. Results...

People commenting about the mandate. About Shri. Modi, about the sweeping success of Ms. Jayalalitha. Great results! 

I wonder what is to come?

Results--- 10th grade results. CBSE , STATE BOARD... 12th Results. Then results of  entrance exams of professional courses..phew!
 I often wonder how we end up ... in a space quite unintentional?

In that we have some days of heat-- surprise summer showers... and even an earthquake!
I often wonder if that is Nature's gentle reminder to calm down??

But then nothing stops anyone. We get up, brush our teeth, have our morning cuppa, read the papers...run here... rush there...everyone is in a tizzy.
I wonder if we ever stop to listen?

From above HE watches.. muses.. laughs?
 I often wonder what HE thinks about our galaxy.. the life...the madness...
Do we watch, observe, think??

Sometimes this wonder is rasa of adhbutha sometimes it is more of a question,  a reflection...


I often wonder what I am looking for.....

Mother Sweet Mother of Mine

Priya Sakhi...

It is Mother's day-- weekend. Do you celebrate Mother's Day? , my dear Spanish friends asked me-- I thought for a moment and said ,'yes, we do, now'. I am so thankful that God made me a Mother. But this is not about me. It is about her.... Yup My amma, ma mere, mathe...

In my life my Mother has played a pivotal role.

Being the youngest in a family of three, the only girl, I was my Father's pet.  My brothers always teased me silly.  My mother smiled indulgently then. Amma was strict but then dad was putty in my hands!
Amma was always poised and both my dad and mom gave us three the best, encouraged us in our passion and talents in our respective fields.

Our house was a veritable `fun' house. My brother's friends and  band mates were in and out of our house, teasing me and spoiling Mahesh's little sister. Life was beautiful and fun, filled with music and poetry and dance, of course! And my mom silently cooked away the meals, talked with all the guys who were there but still quietly she went on with her chores, cooking, driving us, yup she can  still drive (and I cannot differentiate between a brake and an accelerator) .

Then my father passed on at a crucial time in my life-- in my 9th grade. We were devastated! My whole world came tumbling down-- but there she was-- My Amma--- silently bearing the pain of losing her loved one so early. I faltered, she helped me silently, saw to it I bounced back into my life of academics and dance--  she could solve my mathematical problems and emotional ones too.

She is very intelligent! She could sew, make my pretty jadai-s for dance, stitch costumes. She can change bulbs, attend to small repairs of appliances.  She speaks good English,  Tamil,  Hindi and Malayalam and hey even a smattering of French! She reads and is up to date with current affairs!
Wow Amma is there something that you cannot do?

Everybody, my friends, her siblings and kith and kin marvel at her. She is strong! She is feminine!
She is crazy about dance-- learnt from the venerated  Guru Govindaraja Pillai in Bombay, learnt Kathak and practised everyday too! If I am in this field of Natyam it is because of her.

She is one of those Moms whose support is complete but she is not an aggressive mom.
She is always well dressed. She still matches her purse with her sari-s.
She waits for  my dance  programmes. She notices everything-- from jewellery to that new padam I try.
She prays for all of us. I burden her with my troubles. I feel when she prays my trouble seems far away.
She prays for my friends too.

She is the epitome of positivity!
Lost her first born to cancer. Her grief is indescribable, I know. But she does not wallow in self- pity. She says that  she is so blessed to have had someone as special as Mahesh in her womb. In his passing away, he has given life to so many children battling with the dreaded disease-- she says, as she chokes with tear filled eyes. And then she quickly wipes her tears and flashes that lovely smile.

She is there for her grandchildren. She cares for them, for  Bhargav she was his first guru, from  teaching him to navigate the  steps of the split-level dining room to teaching him Tamil and Mathematics-- Boy !he is his Swarnamma's boy. (But with her grandchildren she is very indulgent and less strict) .

A special bond she shares with them. Manu, Bhavu and Bhargu are her darlings!

She is a little girl who particularly loves Mango Ice cream but never succumbs to gluttony!

Yeah she is all there-- she is hip-- she is on Facebook, writing comments without any typos or grammatical errors. She solves Sudoku!

She is an inspiration to many of us. She is an unsung Heroine of our Family.

She is the ubiquitous Swarnamma!

She is --MY AMMA.

Sunny Experiences and Realization too

Priya Sakhi

I have been quiet for a while with you. But that is because I have been busy having a `cool' time this Sunner, oops Summer.

It all started with the Vishwa Natya Dhinam-- World Dance Day. ABHAI,  in association with AAT and Citi Centre Mall in Chennai, organised a flash mob.  Watch this dear friend...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9os3P6GNak&feature=youtu.beh

Ah! did you see how the positive energy of the 70 dancers? How  the young and  the old, the senior and  the senior-most blended with the littlest?!

While we came together as a fraternity, on an important day, ear- marked for dance-- the experience taught us many things-- the reach of the form itself, organising skills of the President ( Chitra Visveswaran) and the commitee..so many things.

  When we at the committee were thinking of doing a flash mob at the temple, it was young Mansvini who suggested the Mall. It was appropriate, because, for Bharatanatyam, while there are many dancers who are passionate and pursue the art-form, it needs audiences. The common man at the Mall  definitely  paused for those 10 minutes to see the joy of the dancers, the greatness of the form.

Natyam is divine and sacred (cliches?), but on that day it sent a  strong message to the uninitiated, that  the classical dancers can come together--that we are beyond barriers of caste, creed and politics. We think beyond ourselves-- we can definitely  make a statement. Of course this time we came together for the  cause of  dance. But in the past, we have celebrated the 1000th year of The Big Temple at Thanjavaur. A few of us have come together for fund raiser programmes for Gujarat floods, participate in outreach programmes... the list is endless.

So this was on April 29th. The euphoria of this experience (thanks to Sharada Ramanathan,   the filmmaker, director, art lover...who first gave this idea), was with us for at least a week....

And then Sakhi--- it was time for the Abhivriddhishala-s (ABVS) of ABHAI.... from 30th April to 7th May, the members have had a treat interacting with artistes of the calibre of Ananda Shankar, Padma Subrahmanyam, Anita Ratnam, Anirudha and Vyjayanthimala Bali  ....

Interacting with these great artistes has made me re-look at my own perceptions of natyam--- what dedication, creativity, clear thinking, wisdom and above all artistry. More on this later...

Sakhi-- a wonderful potpourri of  thoughts and experiences are  happily jumbled in my thoughts.....

The  amazing range of emotions, the spontaneity and subtleties  of Padhukka's `Dharijuchu chunnadi.....priya... nee poi-- kaalaithooki

1,1-2,1-2-3..How much wood can a woodchuck chuck...`so' and the shalangai mangalam of Anirudha's-- which is, jingle bells jingle bells...

Anita's comment of the manduka mudra flashes in my mind every time I text on the phone--

The younger children wanted to go with Ananda hanging on to her sari pallu, all the way to Hyderabad. What an impact she has had on them!

Then of course the lilting Tillana of Anandabhairavi tillana in Khandam that Vyjayanthimala  taught us.
I am  awe- struck-- what an artiste! She is a true testimony to the fact that you are only as old as you feel. She feels like a teenager-- and dances with  an enthusiasm  and flexibility that matches little Sruthi Ram Mohan !


I have so much to tell you Sakhi-- a fragrant bouquet of experiences-- of flowers that will stay with me even when they dry, the fragrance fresh.

I realized one thing-- Oh no-- I need to be born again-- that too as a dancer--yes ---a Bharatanataym dancer-- for what I know now is only a drop of that vast ocean of this art-form!