MAYA --- you colour my thoughts!

 Priya Sakhi...

It has been a long time dear friend....

In these days--  of over a month and a half-- I have met many wonderful people,  taught, learnt from these experiences, performed, toured the US-- a myriad of experiences, of thoughts and emotions!

But is this about our workshop- performance trip of the US? NO

But  the trip has put me in  reflective mode... from the people I observed in our Layovers at different airports to the different kinds of students that we (Roja and I) met..to our wonderful Hosts....

Hey as I said this is not about our trip!

It is about being a dancer, a teacher, choreographer... the cliched labels that I so pompously give myself!

As you know, ever so often, I question my reason to be a dancer... what is the efficacy about being one. The Self, the dancer Self in me is always subjected to a lot of tests.

Having my  training from one of the best guru-s, my conviction about my style (bani), my learning is a 100 percent.
As students of Natya, we are constantly being evaluated..

From the micro level of the teaching process to the various tests that we face-- say-- The Junior Scholarship, Senior Scholarship from the Centre, the Iyal Isai Nataka Mandram `4' programmes from our State, Grading at Doordarshan, Empanelment at ICCR... the list goes on...

My Senior scholarship interview was the scariest--- entered a room at Kalakshetra (where the interview was held) to actually see Guru Kittappa Pillai, Padhukka, Shantha Akka, Chitra Akka  in the panel of judges!
But it was a challenge. You think I could breathe straight? But when I got that Scholarship it was something I treasured/treasure even now.

Of course we  are constantly being evaluated by the Press. When I was younger I remember that a good review from NMN of the Hindu meant something. To be written about by Sri. Subbudu... K.S. Mahadevan... well it was the Ultimate! The feeling on a Friday morning, after a programme-- to be written about by Leelaji, Nandini Akka,  Sunil ji, Chitra, Rupa, Vidya and of course Veejay Sai (Ayyo) -- then we have portals now-- the views of Vincent, Anita.... Then, we have to face the comments couched in vindictiveness and anonymity in other blogs and portals-- criticisms, comments and stray praises for your art, your appearance.

Phew! Is it not a wonder we are even sane or are we?

But Sakhi I have always wondered how does one evaluate Art absolutely? Is Art Absolute or Relative? For that matter the concept of Time being a very relative concept hits you when you travel abroad. Well, as a student of Indian Philosophy and as an ardent admirer of Sankara, I do know that there is only ONE! But `Maya ' still colours me!

 Oh yes that is why I react to this news of being evaluated  by `One Body' for performances abroad for  a government-sponsored tour abroad. I think it would be exciting and fair if there is a panel of Senior guru-s-- a panel for each of the varied classical styles. A panel of artistes, officials. That would be unbiased and acceptable.

Sakhi ! I know you want to ask me whether I have  been invited by the government to perform? Whether I have shifted my base to New Delhi? Whether my opinions matter?

Let me just say I am a positive person living in my delusional world!