Proud Peacock!

Priya Sakhi

Happy Independence day Dear Friend!

Today I think of the Mahatma who said `I’m a lover of my own liberty, and so I would do nothing to restrict yours."

Today as we celebrate our 68th year of Independence-- have we lived up to the Mahatma's vision of Free India? 

For that matter how much of the vision of all our great leaders, seers, pioneers, scientists, artistes are we fulfilling? 

Is this vision needed? I am free! I am responsible! And that is enough?
The above question is not a rhetoric one.

Now as a dancer what does this  freedom mean? 
I am ever proud to be an Indian and even `prouder' to be an Indian classical dancer.
Hey then you can call me a Proud Peacock-- as I am a dancer, and Indian and hence the peacock? and very proud to be so? Clever aint I?
Priya Sakhi , no, no do not throw that cushion on me-- I promise no mokkai-s.

But am I independent as a dancer? Not really. There is that interdependence on music, musicians, mentors, patrons -- the list is endless.

 Being a dancer (of the travails I need not mention) is getting more difficult! No, this is not `I do not even have one solo' whine, sakhi!

The life of a dancer is unique!
As a profession it is one that is best pursued with a passion. The returns from it is intangible,  inexplicable and hence misunderstood.
A passion that is often not understood as it cannot be structured in a tight corporate  financial module.

Very often I have observed that when a corporate woman travels, she is busy looking at figures, meetings and conferences, it is appreciated.
But many times people look at me strangely when I as a Bharatanataym dancer go for a meeting! You work in an office?, they ask!
No thankfully not!

But do we have a structure? We all work hard, many of us start the day at 6.00, classes, rehearsals, recording sessions, meetings(!!), programmes, research libraries.... 

And then when we get engaged  to be married,  that unspoken fear  follows-- what happens to my dance? can I pursue my passion?!!

But Sakhi as you know, I always thank god for that one statement that my then`prospective partner' and my `now husband' made-- why are you asking me permission to dance when it is a part of your life, even before you met me?'
Sakhi, now friend do not go supporting him....you are on my side remember?
Just kidding!

But having said that, what a struggle it is for most dancers who work as hard as any other from the corporate world!
Is there any policy for the arts that does not involve any confusion?( the present circular from the Ministry of Culture, being a classic example).
There are efforts to clarify, amend rules... but everything is a struggle.

Personal freedom, personal glory, personal opportunities vis-a-vis the fraternity and its concerns at large.
Criticisms, praise, conflicts, understanding, positive, negative.....

But ! when we dance that bubble envelopes us--- it is only music, it is only me , my emotion, then even `I' disappears--- it is Krishna, it is Devaki,  Radha, it is Sita--- Everything else ceases to be! A wonderful ideal state...
I have the freedom, freedom of delving within myself, to be free.
 Sakhi!
I am proud to be a peacock-- an Indian dancer!

Broken thoughts

Priya Sakhi! My friend, Mon Amie....

I have been wanting to do this for a long time. To tell you anything that comes to my mind! Not in a very organised way but just random  thoughts, emotions, in no pattern. Why should there be a pattern, a coherent one? Incoherence is a crime? As in a poetry or piece of modern art with its wonderful splash of colours...

Is not life like that-- myriad of motions, thoughts, of cacophony and of silence, of extremes....
 So Sakhi-- I am going to share whatever comes to my mind-- who else  but you will put up with this?

Priya Sakhi...

It is raining heavily here in Chennai! Respite from the punishing heat that we have bee subjected to by Surya bhagvan.
Rain, the drops that fall, first tentative and then it increases in speed-- ever tried putting tala to rain? There is no pattern but why should there be?

There is Rhythm in everything-- from the heart beat, rhythm in the changing season, rhythm in silence even!

In natya that silence after a `climax' is what adds to a presentation.

Silence conveys a million emotions... Remember this song?

People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb .....
The sound of silence.

Sakhi you might ask me why am I in this mood?

Rain does this to me-- Rain is good but for me it brings me memories-- painful and happy. Of birth and death
Water droplets , when they fall on you, on your eyes, your cheek.... love  them and then the speed and intensity increases.. we take cover. Mazhai-- `Dhikkul yettum sidhari sidhari dheem tharikita, dheem tahrikita, dheem tharikita...'

Very much like life! it starts of being wonderful and then.....
we love the rhythm, the sounds, the beats, the uniform beats, the off-beat ones, the variant one and then  finally enjoy the silence that ensues.

 The unspoken word, the emotion that is there right there controlled but waiting to come out-- that is more interesting! 
  Life starts that way.... with the heart beat inside the womb, struggle starts right from coming out  of the womb-- push push, we come pushing out with a rhythm of breathing... the pace of life slowly increases...crawling, unsteady walking with a tisra nadai?, then a beat is added, then running, running to realise our ambitions, away from that emotion, running a race, then a `rat race'....
 We fall, fall ill-- there is a pause....
we reflect, we ponder, we wonder...
then we pick up our pace again...

Run, Run, Run from first speed to tenth speed! silence? what is that?

Life is like that only Priya Sakhi-- shoo ! Quietly let us face this frenzy life....

Sakhi? Are you listening?

`WITHOUT MUSIC LIFE WILL BE A MISTAKE'--NIETZCHE

Music, Sangeetham, Sur.... Priya Sakhi...

What is this life without music?

When I am  down it revives me, when I am excited it calms me... 

Not one kind of music. From Classical to Folk-- Western, Indian, Spanish , Reggae....

 Dear Sakhi, as a youngster I would think to myself how lovely it would be if the background score in movies was present in real life too. Imagine then when you are watching the moon rise, you hear  some romantic music..when you see shades of green as you travel-- the violins play along...

(Well it does nowadays , what with I-pods,  phones, earphones and downloading  your favourite music-- that too for   free!)

When someone asks me what my favourite colour is... I am stumped!Love green, red, orange, blue, black, white...almost everything.

Favourite food-- stumped! Love Bhel, North Indian, South Indian, Mexican, Italian, French-- I am hungry! 

Who is your best friend?- stumped-- and that is another story! But you my Sakhi is closest to my heart.

I can write about each one of them for pages! 

But this is about Music. Favourite Music?

Growing up with Music-- both Western and Indian- all parties at home I remember were parties with music!

Guitars strumming, The beat of drums in a bucket or table, food and ....Do I miss those days. `Every shalala....its yesterday once more!'

I remember me going berserk with the Chariots of Fire theme music. Mahesh and Srikanth (my brothers) and my cousins exposed me to Beatles, Pink Flyod, Jean Luc Ponty, Shakthi, Earl Klugh, Jethro Tull... an endless list. 

(Oh I have to tell you that the One Annual day that they attended in my school, I was dancing for `Come September'!  They had to see me do a t`a tei tei ta' and of course `tei ha tei hi' for it ! Never heard the last of it!).  

We listened to Hindi Film songs, Ghazals, Hindustani, Tamil Film songs,  Beautiful Carnatic music of my Athai (Seethalkashmi Venkatesan) and other greats. We knew Semmangudi mama, lived in the same road as Chembai...I learnt music from Madurai N. Krishnan. 

Then, attended endless kutcheri-s with my  dear gang of friends during the season. Made our own lists of artistes  and venues, years before the music reckoners came during the `December Season'.

It was music that brought us together.

Without music where would I be as a dancer? If my Smarathinamam made an impact-- it is because of Valson's genius version of it! His Saagara sayana Vibho.... Jayashri's Jo Jo Jo-- sung so softly... she actually makes Rama sleep in front of our eyes! Just her soft music!  

The sweet voice of Padmavalli teacher, Nandini, G. Srikanth.. that phrase of Sruti Sagar on the flute--- the ragamalika of Vijayaraghavan sir... Oh!the list is long, the genres varied. 

So I am totally baffled when a dancer tells me that she does not know Music! Not learnt! Does not listen!

Ah?  Really? Yup! Who is this? Keep Guessing! 

Now, Now Sakhi---  when are you going to sing to me? 

Till then .... I have to tell you this.. Praana...

                                           Sakhi Praana....

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.” 
― Bob Marley

 

 

MAYA --- you colour my thoughts!

 Priya Sakhi...

It has been a long time dear friend....

In these days--  of over a month and a half-- I have met many wonderful people,  taught, learnt from these experiences, performed, toured the US-- a myriad of experiences, of thoughts and emotions!

But is this about our workshop- performance trip of the US? NO

But  the trip has put me in  reflective mode... from the people I observed in our Layovers at different airports to the different kinds of students that we (Roja and I) met..to our wonderful Hosts....

Hey as I said this is not about our trip!

It is about being a dancer, a teacher, choreographer... the cliched labels that I so pompously give myself!

As you know, ever so often, I question my reason to be a dancer... what is the efficacy about being one. The Self, the dancer Self in me is always subjected to a lot of tests.

Having my  training from one of the best guru-s, my conviction about my style (bani), my learning is a 100 percent.
As students of Natya, we are constantly being evaluated..

From the micro level of the teaching process to the various tests that we face-- say-- The Junior Scholarship, Senior Scholarship from the Centre, the Iyal Isai Nataka Mandram `4' programmes from our State, Grading at Doordarshan, Empanelment at ICCR... the list goes on...

My Senior scholarship interview was the scariest--- entered a room at Kalakshetra (where the interview was held) to actually see Guru Kittappa Pillai, Padhukka, Shantha Akka, Chitra Akka  in the panel of judges!
But it was a challenge. You think I could breathe straight? But when I got that Scholarship it was something I treasured/treasure even now.

Of course we  are constantly being evaluated by the Press. When I was younger I remember that a good review from NMN of the Hindu meant something. To be written about by Sri. Subbudu... K.S. Mahadevan... well it was the Ultimate! The feeling on a Friday morning, after a programme-- to be written about by Leelaji, Nandini Akka,  Sunil ji, Chitra, Rupa, Vidya and of course Veejay Sai (Ayyo) -- then we have portals now-- the views of Vincent, Anita.... Then, we have to face the comments couched in vindictiveness and anonymity in other blogs and portals-- criticisms, comments and stray praises for your art, your appearance.

Phew! Is it not a wonder we are even sane or are we?

But Sakhi I have always wondered how does one evaluate Art absolutely? Is Art Absolute or Relative? For that matter the concept of Time being a very relative concept hits you when you travel abroad. Well, as a student of Indian Philosophy and as an ardent admirer of Sankara, I do know that there is only ONE! But `Maya ' still colours me!

 Oh yes that is why I react to this news of being evaluated  by `One Body' for performances abroad for  a government-sponsored tour abroad. I think it would be exciting and fair if there is a panel of Senior guru-s-- a panel for each of the varied classical styles. A panel of artistes, officials. That would be unbiased and acceptable.

Sakhi ! I know you want to ask me whether I have  been invited by the government to perform? Whether I have shifted my base to New Delhi? Whether my opinions matter?

Let me just say I am a positive person living in my delusional world!

I wonder...

Priya Sakhi

There is so much happening in our country.
I often wonder what is to happen.
Are we Secular?
Is this good? or That?

Results. Results...

People commenting about the mandate. About Shri. Modi, about the sweeping success of Ms. Jayalalitha. Great results! 

I wonder what is to come?

Results--- 10th grade results. CBSE , STATE BOARD... 12th Results. Then results of  entrance exams of professional courses..phew!
 I often wonder how we end up ... in a space quite unintentional?

In that we have some days of heat-- surprise summer showers... and even an earthquake!
I often wonder if that is Nature's gentle reminder to calm down??

But then nothing stops anyone. We get up, brush our teeth, have our morning cuppa, read the papers...run here... rush there...everyone is in a tizzy.
I wonder if we ever stop to listen?

From above HE watches.. muses.. laughs?
 I often wonder what HE thinks about our galaxy.. the life...the madness...
Do we watch, observe, think??

Sometimes this wonder is rasa of adhbutha sometimes it is more of a question,  a reflection...


I often wonder what I am looking for.....

Mother Sweet Mother of Mine

Priya Sakhi...

It is Mother's day-- weekend. Do you celebrate Mother's Day? , my dear Spanish friends asked me-- I thought for a moment and said ,'yes, we do, now'. I am so thankful that God made me a Mother. But this is not about me. It is about her.... Yup My amma, ma mere, mathe...

In my life my Mother has played a pivotal role.

Being the youngest in a family of three, the only girl, I was my Father's pet.  My brothers always teased me silly.  My mother smiled indulgently then. Amma was strict but then dad was putty in my hands!
Amma was always poised and both my dad and mom gave us three the best, encouraged us in our passion and talents in our respective fields.

Our house was a veritable `fun' house. My brother's friends and  band mates were in and out of our house, teasing me and spoiling Mahesh's little sister. Life was beautiful and fun, filled with music and poetry and dance, of course! And my mom silently cooked away the meals, talked with all the guys who were there but still quietly she went on with her chores, cooking, driving us, yup she can  still drive (and I cannot differentiate between a brake and an accelerator) .

Then my father passed on at a crucial time in my life-- in my 9th grade. We were devastated! My whole world came tumbling down-- but there she was-- My Amma--- silently bearing the pain of losing her loved one so early. I faltered, she helped me silently, saw to it I bounced back into my life of academics and dance--  she could solve my mathematical problems and emotional ones too.

She is very intelligent! She could sew, make my pretty jadai-s for dance, stitch costumes. She can change bulbs, attend to small repairs of appliances.  She speaks good English,  Tamil,  Hindi and Malayalam and hey even a smattering of French! She reads and is up to date with current affairs!
Wow Amma is there something that you cannot do?

Everybody, my friends, her siblings and kith and kin marvel at her. She is strong! She is feminine!
She is crazy about dance-- learnt from the venerated  Guru Govindaraja Pillai in Bombay, learnt Kathak and practised everyday too! If I am in this field of Natyam it is because of her.

She is one of those Moms whose support is complete but she is not an aggressive mom.
She is always well dressed. She still matches her purse with her sari-s.
She waits for  my dance  programmes. She notices everything-- from jewellery to that new padam I try.
She prays for all of us. I burden her with my troubles. I feel when she prays my trouble seems far away.
She prays for my friends too.

She is the epitome of positivity!
Lost her first born to cancer. Her grief is indescribable, I know. But she does not wallow in self- pity. She says that  she is so blessed to have had someone as special as Mahesh in her womb. In his passing away, he has given life to so many children battling with the dreaded disease-- she says, as she chokes with tear filled eyes. And then she quickly wipes her tears and flashes that lovely smile.

She is there for her grandchildren. She cares for them, for  Bhargav she was his first guru, from  teaching him to navigate the  steps of the split-level dining room to teaching him Tamil and Mathematics-- Boy !he is his Swarnamma's boy. (But with her grandchildren she is very indulgent and less strict) .

A special bond she shares with them. Manu, Bhavu and Bhargu are her darlings!

She is a little girl who particularly loves Mango Ice cream but never succumbs to gluttony!

Yeah she is all there-- she is hip-- she is on Facebook, writing comments without any typos or grammatical errors. She solves Sudoku!

She is an inspiration to many of us. She is an unsung Heroine of our Family.

She is the ubiquitous Swarnamma!

She is --MY AMMA.

Sunny Experiences and Realization too

Priya Sakhi

I have been quiet for a while with you. But that is because I have been busy having a `cool' time this Sunner, oops Summer.

It all started with the Vishwa Natya Dhinam-- World Dance Day. ABHAI,  in association with AAT and Citi Centre Mall in Chennai, organised a flash mob.  Watch this dear friend...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9os3P6GNak&feature=youtu.beh

Ah! did you see how the positive energy of the 70 dancers? How  the young and  the old, the senior and  the senior-most blended with the littlest?!

While we came together as a fraternity, on an important day, ear- marked for dance-- the experience taught us many things-- the reach of the form itself, organising skills of the President ( Chitra Visveswaran) and the commitee..so many things.

  When we at the committee were thinking of doing a flash mob at the temple, it was young Mansvini who suggested the Mall. It was appropriate, because, for Bharatanatyam, while there are many dancers who are passionate and pursue the art-form, it needs audiences. The common man at the Mall  definitely  paused for those 10 minutes to see the joy of the dancers, the greatness of the form.

Natyam is divine and sacred (cliches?), but on that day it sent a  strong message to the uninitiated, that  the classical dancers can come together--that we are beyond barriers of caste, creed and politics. We think beyond ourselves-- we can definitely  make a statement. Of course this time we came together for the  cause of  dance. But in the past, we have celebrated the 1000th year of The Big Temple at Thanjavaur. A few of us have come together for fund raiser programmes for Gujarat floods, participate in outreach programmes... the list is endless.

So this was on April 29th. The euphoria of this experience (thanks to Sharada Ramanathan,   the filmmaker, director, art lover...who first gave this idea), was with us for at least a week....

And then Sakhi--- it was time for the Abhivriddhishala-s (ABVS) of ABHAI.... from 30th April to 7th May, the members have had a treat interacting with artistes of the calibre of Ananda Shankar, Padma Subrahmanyam, Anita Ratnam, Anirudha and Vyjayanthimala Bali  ....

Interacting with these great artistes has made me re-look at my own perceptions of natyam--- what dedication, creativity, clear thinking, wisdom and above all artistry. More on this later...

Sakhi-- a wonderful potpourri of  thoughts and experiences are  happily jumbled in my thoughts.....

The  amazing range of emotions, the spontaneity and subtleties  of Padhukka's `Dharijuchu chunnadi.....priya... nee poi-- kaalaithooki

1,1-2,1-2-3..How much wood can a woodchuck chuck...`so' and the shalangai mangalam of Anirudha's-- which is, jingle bells jingle bells...

Anita's comment of the manduka mudra flashes in my mind every time I text on the phone--

The younger children wanted to go with Ananda hanging on to her sari pallu, all the way to Hyderabad. What an impact she has had on them!

Then of course the lilting Tillana of Anandabhairavi tillana in Khandam that Vyjayanthimala  taught us.
I am  awe- struck-- what an artiste! She is a true testimony to the fact that you are only as old as you feel. She feels like a teenager-- and dances with  an enthusiasm  and flexibility that matches little Sruthi Ram Mohan !


I have so much to tell you Sakhi-- a fragrant bouquet of experiences-- of flowers that will stay with me even when they dry, the fragrance fresh.

I realized one thing-- Oh no-- I need to be born again-- that too as a dancer--yes ---a Bharatanataym dancer-- for what I know now is only a drop of that vast ocean of this art-form!

Vishwa Natya Dhinam

Priya Sakhi,

Today is International Dance Day-- Happy Dancing! Am I proud to belong to this special fraternity.

A dancer's life is not easy. Passion drives us. For many an artiste it consumes their entire being.

Recently a good friend said that  dancers are very  `self absorbed'--  Are we?
Well , Who is not? From the politician to that person who sweeps the road, even the millions of non-profit organisations that mushroom, the social activist--  for everybody, there is that sense of  `self' . The degrees, the intensity varies....

 Coming to think of it Sakhi! Priya Sakhi, a dancer is many things rolled into one-- her interests cannot just stop with dance/natya-- music, sculpture, theoretical knowledge, culture, religion, stage craft, costume, colours, aesthetics.... then  writing, speaking, being on par with technological advancements, public relations, understanding media, psychology--- as we need to gauge the pulse of the audience, man management, student psychology, physiology, new exercise routines, kalari payyittu, yoga, pranayama... I am sure there are many more. Then if it is a girl/woman, throw in the joys and anxieties of  being a  daughter, sister, niece, sister-in-law, cousin,wife, mother,mother-in-law....( And the male dancers have their roles and of course the transgenders have their roles too).

And then if one is working in an office and pursuing dance-- phew! we need to look at so many things! So it is both a micro and macro existence. So Bharata's 10 requisites of a dancer is basic ( I refer to the verse athi sthulaapi.... dashaitha natya varjitha).


Amazing Sakhi! And we are self-absorbed?!! Let us be so.

As you know I love dance, natya-- the Indian classical styles to folk theatre-- love it that I learnt Therukoothu, poi-k-kaal kudhire, karagam-- loved the Bhutto dance workshop, loved my hip-hop routines, zumba, kuthu... But I absolutely love Bharatanatyam.  In it,  I love the traditional margam, the adavu-s packed style, the subtle abhinaya, the thematic forays of our Parashah group. The neo- natyam experiments that I sometimes get to perform and watch.

For me dance is vibrant. Many of us are constantly re-discovering ourselves. Many of us are socially conscious. Many belong to this world.  We have to know  Indian Philosphy , Western Philosophies.  World  Cultures Religions, Mythologies..... We are within and without.

 A dancer is an artiste and definitely should make that difference to society. Art in Science, Art in education, Art as therapy... in all  those fields, dance is integral. Dance is inspired from life, Dance IS Life.....
 So let it be about the `self'-- ourselves.

Let us Celebrate Dance, Natya, the Dancers...
`Tha tha dhim tha dhim....'

LIVE and (A)LIVE

Priya Sakhi....


Hi Sakhi... I am alive...
It has been a while since I shared my thoughts with you..
Is it because I am in a state of limbo? Too many people passing away... troubles.. worries.... heat!

Makes me pause and think ... about life, about my natyam.. purpose of continuing in a field that has become highly competitive.  But which profession in not? There is competition, aggression and politics in any field.. in any relationship.

I need to snap out of this wave of self-pity... cliche, but there are many who are worse off... count my blessings---count them one by one.... my mind wanders to school, the carol singing.... the sero gang (one day, Priya Sakhi, I will tell you about this wonderful gang).

Then I come across some old photographs..   serendipity... my kindergarten photographs... photographs of my teenage--- I was slimmer then, younger then ...things that were locked in the inner recess of my mind, memories just come gushing out like a waterfall . Some bring a tear to my eye.. some photographs make me laugh.

The sounds of incessant laughter, the bus rides with my friend Subha... the innocence... the way our gang used to wait for the Natya-Sangeetha December season... the way we used to prepare the schedules of different sabha-s and the kutcheri-s. There were no ready programme reckoners then.

My niece Manasi just posted on facebook saying that `life was simpler then'. True.

There was no internet, no mobiles, no facebook, no blogs even...
But friendships were deeper, family ties were stronger, life was...

But wait... I am not against technology... love and enjoy every thing it offers us. But are we in control of our lives?  Mobile phones... computers.. tabs.. I-pads.. tablet... are they the means of communication or are they the end?
How many saw the orange moon yesterday? How many of us listen to the parrots, the sound of the crows? Do we see butterflies? No not on the net, dear Sakhi,   but live.
Live and live--- one sense it means `to be alive' and in the other it means ` in the current.'.. but ...

How alive are we now? Is it about this moment? life now? or what was...  or what will be...
 Too many questions for me...

I  happily hum..
" Smaradhinumam.... Balya sahayam....."

LAST WEEK....

Priya Sakhi

It has been a while since I addressed you. The past week has been crazy-- the best part of it being spent at Anusha's wedding celebrations.

Anusha is Sudha Aunty's student-- she came when she was little. She was the cutest little chubby girl, who has now blossomed into a tall, slim pretty young woman. The striking feature of Anusha is her wonderful heart... She is passionate about dance, music. Here was a bride who took time to talk to everybody, make them comfortable....

Here is wishing Anusha and Varun a wonderful life.

Talking of Anusha is how she shed extra kilograms with great determination and focus. Hats off.

Of course I have to talk of weighty issues-- and natya.

I have found many say emphatically that a dancer `HAS' to be slim. `She has no business to be on stage'.
(So what if she is immensly talented). People snigger at artistes who are on the heavier side. Laugh behind their backs. Only slim dancers have star statuses. They can prance on stage, combine lithe martial movements, strike passionate poses at the most sombre moment.  Use stage craft like  dull lighting at an intense Abhinaya moment. Touche. 

 To them, what are adavu-s ? Tat tei ta ha? tei ha tei hi? 

 (Ah !Priya Sakhi I must tell you about the Kuditha Mettu Adavu-- it is most abused in and outside the world of Bharatanatyam. Have you seen them in Bollywood numbers? There is that lift of the shoulders, whether the heel lifts or not)!

Then we talk of the soul of a dancer that is absent now. Of the varying preferences in the spectators. Poet Kalidasa says, `Loke binna ruchihi'-- there are people who have different tastes. So that is why I wonder how does one  review a work of art? Personal preferences will definitely creep in?   How does the critic review the art-- what appeals to him/her or is there a common benchmark?

 Sakhi, so it was interesting to read about two reviews of two choreographic pieces in The Hindu, last Friday.  One work I did not relate to.  The other I thought was brilliant. But while the former got a rave review,  for the latter, the credit  that the work deserved was glaring in it's absence. 

I am an outspoken person. But bear with my mystery Sakhi. One day, I will have the guts to come out and say the names openly. Till then let me be a coward, with spurts of `hot air' moments.

The first impression that a dancer makes , the entry, is very important.  That is what Sudha Aunty told us.That is when physical attributes, costume, make up  matter. But after that the art takes over. 

 But then different things work for different people. For me a wonderful margam works well. A good thematic presentation  interests me. A visit into past absorbs me for I feel history is very important . But at the same time, I love experimentations, the honest ones.  

Love a jathi with all the sharkal-s, tat tei taha and kudhitha mettu-s without shoulder lifts.

Love the `thol thalli' momnets in jati-s. Love that `usi' in a small intricate jati. Love the saachi glance in the padam. Love the rhythmic tillana and the quiet slokam, that puts me in a reflective mood. I do see the physical attributes of a dancer/s for a short while, yeah she is wearing a lovely necklace... the `zebra lines' in the costume irritates me... but very often it is the work itself that excites me. Music, the singing, the musicality of the dancer is what I look for. 

But hey who am I?  Am I the not so slim dancer trying to shed her extra pounds. I am the outspoken one, they  say.  But, hey, do my opinions matter?

Yes! to Me and You,  in MY space. Sakhi Praana....

Sunner, Freezer, Fall and Flowery

Priya Sakhi,

It has been quite a week-- lots of things whirling in my head! Then I read this post on Facebook of little Kavya, who lives in Houston and who sent this letter to  President Obama to change the word `Summer' to `Sunner' as summer IS all about the Sun!

In this there is so much to learn. First, of little Kavya's brain which is so active for a 4 year old! It is logical and creative--` Sunner' does seem more picturesque! Sunner, Freezer, Fall (it is picturesque), Flowery?? That is towards `more picturesque speech'? ( I allude to that coloumn in Readers Digest).
So what happens when the President of United States  gets this letter? He replies to the little one with little gifts and a wonderful letter.

So is this about Kavya? Yes, It is inspired by her...

First of all, I wondered what will happen  if the same thought and action was done by a little one here!  The letter would have been tossed aside? or would they have been a reply?
The question is genuine here. Do I have hope in the `netas'? Would they have taken time to answer the query of a little one? Given her a minute to answer or commend her thought process?

The political scenario, here, is charged with the election fervour. Most of the time we have to wait in a long queue for some campaigner to pass us by, for he is seeking our votes... Loud microphones, autorickshaws, `katshi kodis', flyers, are all passed on.
There was one incident that left me quite baffled. So one `Katshi Thondar' was handing out these flyers to all of us in autos and in cars. This auto driver in front of us dropped the flyer down on the road (whether by mistake is a debatable question)!  What ensued.... fisticuffs, colourful language.... as the Thalaivar's photo was on the flyer. It was a sign of disrespect.
This is democracy?  Freedom? What if the flyer really slipped as the driver claimed?!

 Do we HAVE to take the flyers? (Not a green campaign at all).

What is personal freedom? Societal one?
We live life in our terms or others' expectations of us.
 Was just asked by a student a very relevant one about personal choice vis-a-vis conforming to societies expectations...

Sakhi ... makes me think a lot.

Meanwhile is little Kavya happy with the letter from her President? Nope... She is miffed still ,for Summer ain't `Sunner' yet!
Sakhiye....

Day of Love, Spring, of Hope, of Gratitude...

Priya Sakhi,

It was in 1986, at the Sovietskaya Hotel in Moscow. I was sleeping in my room when I got this call, `Priya darling, look out through the window, look at the snowflakes falling, it is SNOWING!', she said.

I jumped and shouted out... the excitement was because it was my maiden view of those light snowflakes falling! I had finally seen SNOW!!
 The experience was  special, because Sudha Aunty pointed that out to me. She knew I was waiting for snow for almost a week.  We were leaving  Moscow the next day and I was desperate to see snow, to see the flakes falling from up above! Moscow was freezing  but snow, till then, had eluded me!

It was another day in the early eighties when Sudha Aunty called for me from class and said I would have to do the announcing for a function. That day my voice training started. Keep it low but clear. It is Photo graphy, Choreo graphy... Now people tell me I speak well on the microphone! Commend me about what and how I speak.

Earlier Sakhi, I was  distraught! My dearest Appa was snatched away from me! I was barely in my 10th.... `Priya we are here for you', they said.  They cried with me, they made me laugh, they gave me words of wisdom... Sudha Aunty and Vaadhyar ( Madurai N. Krishnan).

For Aunty, education was very important. Her students  had to do well in school and college. While I did my M Phil, many of our students were studying to be doctors, chartered accountants, masters in natya, engineering,  special education....

She  had an enviable collection of books.   Our interest in academia  was kindled there.
We had a master to tell us stories from Mythology. A Sanskrit master to teach us theory and sloka-s.
A Music Master, Peria Anna (Sri. Srinivasan), to teach us music.
We went to Kalanidhi mami's classes at Asthika Samaja at Sudha Aunty's behest.
We had Master classes of other guru-s at Bharatalaya.
We had appreciation classes. We learnt about the fugue in western music We knew about the Graham technique, the Lemone technique...

It was another day in the early 90's,  when Aunty called me and asked me to sit as a 3rd person on stage to wield the talam for performances. I would not open my mouth but very often keep time, beating the universal  beat on my talam. Was criticised like hell! But Sudha Aunty stood firm! Then when Padmavalli teacher went away, I sat on stage and started quite confidently doing the nattuvangam.

It was in January 1994, they were waiting for me for a rehearsal. Priya is on time, she wondered.  She called me to find out if all is well... I said I am engaged-- she immediately sent` Bhai' with the car. The excitement was more as my fiance's (then) family was close to Sudha Aunty. So is it my daughter's or son's wedding she wondered?! She planned a romantic, candle night dinner with my husband.

SHE is a GURU. SHE is my friend. SHE is my philosopher. SHE is my mentor...  SHE is the one who shares her Art selflessly....

You think Aunty was like this with me alone? Everybody in Bharatalaya will have stories to tell... I have so many  more anecdotes to share and the others will have too. She makes time for each one of us.

Why am I sharing this with you today Priya Sakhi?
Today is the first day of Spring.
A day of Love. Of Hope.
Today is March 21st.
Today is Sudha Aunty's Birthday....

Happy Birthday Dearest Sudha  Aunty.

Life is .....

Priya Sakhi...

So many thoughts whirl round my head. Words, thoughts, music, concepts, feelings....

Amazing this thing called the brain and mind ...soul and LIFE!

As a child I was quite curious about how words were formed. How did the Aadhi Purushas  know what to eat?.. who discovered the salt, the process of sugar?-- the smelly molasses to sugar to all the mouth watering sweets..?  This mind, soul.. how did they realise its existence? Life now... Life after death. What happens after-life???

It is amazing that we take so many things for granted.. the sunrise, the sunset, the trees, the birds, the breeze.  Then there are those situations where only words just fail to convey the right feeling. The intensity of our feelings is best conveyed  sometimes by the arts. Be it music, dance, painting, poetry... LIFE

It is amazing how diverse tastes are too-- from food to tastes in fashion... to tastes in a work of art.. LIFE

Priya Sakhi I know I am ambling with no particular one thought process. But this amazing thing called `thoughts ' seem to meander into different alleys today....

Thoughts about natya, about sangeetham, about audiences-- then I see this parrot-- so green against the green tree. Look out your window-- see the different shades of green sometimes within the same tree...interspersed by the colours of the flowers and fruits.... Lovely Life.

So LIFE is varied right? so tastes will differ too? will they not? LIFE!

So what appeals to me does not to another... what I find soul-less might be the greatest inspiration to another! What I felt  was a super solid work, bores another....
Then I see the differences ... in the trees, in the flowers... in my fingers... nothing is constant..except change.
Kshanikavaada of the Buddhists makes a lot of sense... Sometimes, something that I hated a long time ago, appeals to me now ..... The everchanging  Mind, LIFE!
 Why should we all like the same things? We are like that tree, we are like our fingers, we are different-- tastes differ..

In this how do we find that which appeals to all?

Life is difficult.  Life is confusing. Life is colourful. Life is boring. Life is busy.Life is varied. Life is beautiful. Life is love. Life sucks. Life is wonderful. Life is never constant.

Life is amazing. Life is......

KBCP

March 27, 2011 at 9:48am

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  Born a Kerala Brahmin, married to one who quickly confirms I am tamizh, I am a true Madrasi-- who can switch to the different dailects of tamizh-- including` ayye inna nee! bejar party' and of course sing along the oooo and eeee s of the Palakkad lingo.The Palakkad cuisine is unique, what with its different varieties of Molakkutals, erisheris, molagushiyams, as its vocabulary. Many of my friends loved  the food at my moms home,  but now as I  run a house on my own now-- I safely start only with the good old sambar for visting relatives! No kutaans, no vesharkardhu....
We are neither here  nor there--- by that I mean we are not affectionately embraced by the tamizhians or the malayalees!
Ok having reconciled to a mid path as far as mundane living is concerned--- as an artiste-- Who am I?
A professional?
OK as a PRO I dedicate all my energies to dance.... but as a Pro do I bring in the `moolah'??? Do I accept everything that comes my way? non, ille, no.
Hey but I pride myself to be one hell of a positive person-- against all odds--- but just look at these negatives!
Ok just like the Abcds I am  a KBCP-- keralite born confused pro?!!!

paatis and dance

May 1, 2013 at 12:34pm

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Yesterday, we that is Srikanth, Roja et moi danced at Vishranthi Old  age home-- as part of the Jana Bharatham -- the outreach programme of Natya Rangam, Narada gana sabha.

We entered the home and were greeted with a a loud applause by dear dear paatis-- of various ages.
They were younger active paatis-- who had dressed in saris and powdered their faces and wore binds with their neatly oiled hair.
There were older paatis who were in housecoats, wheelchairs and towel (normally hate this combo but the paatis carried it with elan). There were a few thathas with twinkling eyes-- who clapped loudly.

As for me, My eyes teared up as I entered-- what were the thoughts of these lovely citizens? they are blessed when compared to others on the streets or those in  homes uncared for. Vishranthi , Savithri Vaithi and her team-- are doing great service indeed. But in the inner recess of my heart I wondered why these sweetie pies are there-- is it because they have no one? or is it because the children have no time/space for them?

Well the reason I'm writing this not is not this. It was the reception that we got after the concert-- One of them said we looked like `oru thaiyn pillaigal'-- all three of us--- thats how we are. Another lovely woman said that Roja and me looked like twins. Another  of the active paatis said that she wanted Roja and me to do the potti dance from vanjikotai valiban movie!!

A thatha (yes the one who clapped loudly), told me that they will be talking about our performance for days to come and that can we go there more often and perform?

So dancers--- Does it not make more sense to reach out to people who appreciate us? The joy that we get in these performances is incomparable. Yes we need to be noticed, perform at sabhas, do our shows abroad etc etc. But.....

Thank you Natya Rangam for this! thank you dear dear paatis and thathas for making my dance more meaningful.

Dance

December 2, 2011 at 3:40pm

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Its December-- Another season-- I love this time of year. Honestly, the madness just motivates me!
this year is special coz-- we are doing the Bharatiyar  for the 50th time! and also performing two more of our productions-- `our'-- means the Parashah group!
These 10 years of collaborating with Roja, Srikanth and Ashwathi!! wow what an experience. Every one of our programmes has been eventful! I hope and pray that we grow from strength to strength!
this season is special coz-- let me see, Sudha aunty announced the last ever arangetram of Shree Bharatalaya on 20th december! Then after this season we take a different route! what is it i don't know-- I am one of those who takes each day and hope for the best! But a part of me is going to miss that routine of going to class everyday at 4 in the evening!!
Hey but maybe I will be ssoooo busy that ......
I am reading this book titled Divine Romance-- this is a series of lectures by Paramahmsa Yogananda... great if you like books on spirituality.
this year we are doing our mammudha again-- which means that I take on the role of Indra! cant wait!
But I am eager to do Bharatiyar, Shakuni, Deivamohini, Meera, dance the margam, the swathi tirunal compositions, entaroma....
Just waiting to dance!
as i wait for the Natya Darshan seminar and The KGS lec dems too!!
Come on dancers/musicians/rasikas-- let's all meet -- lets' all love each other's work/let's sing and above all let's all DANCE!

BLISS AND BLESSED

March 4, 2014 at 7:09am

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Just back from another tour of Natyanjali-- hectic as always. Physically tired but mentally charged with all the positive vibrations of the temples, the towns that we visited and the hospitality of the people.

This time, disciples of Roja Kannan and we, disciples of Prof. Sudharani Raghupathy , took the road trip together. It was a primarily a cost-effective measure but on another level we were all students of natya performing together- separately with Ananda, helping each other, laughing together and existing together. This must be a small beginning but as dancers we have made baby steps in the larger canvas of  coexistence-- happily and peacefully.

Our first stop was at Kumbakonam where we soaked in the hospitality of Deepak Venkatesh and his mother-- who served us a fantastic lunch. Athithi Devo Bhavah-- is their motto. In  Deepak, one can find that innocence, the passion for his art. Here is a male dancer, as Roja and me were discussing, who is content with his life. He made a comment that he has made his life with his Natya (dance)-- heartening indeed! Deepak, I learnt a lot from your passion for natya- and sangeetham  and artistes- god bless.

After our lunch and a visit to Vipanchee school of Deepak's, we checked-in to our hotels and after a brief rest started to adorn ourselves for our 20 minute offering to the Lord. This time we had worked on Madurai N. Krishnan's (Vadhyar) Kalyani Varnam-- Amba Akhilandeeswari-- This bhakthi oriented piece had intricate jathi-s of K S R Anirudha and was racy and at the same time we could showcase our bani with all its ground sharkal-s and mandi-s. While Roja and her students had  Thevaram oriented pieces intricately woven with jati-s and swaram-s.
  At this juncture I must commend my students-- who are also `sound' editors-- Deepthi and gang brought a 35 minute recording of a varnam to 25-- in talam-- seamlessly-- I wish my cousin  the late H. Sridhar were here. I would have definitely showed off their work! Also kudos to the girls for the wonderful songs that were played in the bus! Khwaja ji is still a favourite-- that appealed to both youngsters and us  Roja and me (and we are definitely not old).

 Coming back to Natyanjali, our slots were late ones but there were so many  people who sat and watched so many groups --so late in the night.  It was  truly a Shivaratri for us, as we had to come back and change, wipe off our makeup, put  the jewellery back in the appropriate pouches--  dry out the costumes-- pack -- that is the tough part of being a dancer!

So after a brief sojourn we got up the next morning and set off to the  temple town of Thirunallar. We visited Vaitheeswaran temple, a brief detour. We reached the Thirunallar temple at 12.50, a photo finish to see DHarbaaranyaeshwarar and of course Ambal and Shaneeswarar. At the temple guest house we ate and got ready to go  to Nagapattinam.   At the Neelayadakshi Amman temple, the ever capable Kannan, prodigy vainika and Padhukka's nephew, was there to take us around the beautiful temple. (Must mention about Kannan here. It is amazing that year after year he arranges this circuit for us dancers-- his meticulous planning, attention to detail, makes this possible for us. A BIG THANKS to you Kannan).   The alankaram for Neelayadakshi Amman   was so beautiful-- could have gone on seeing her...
Binesh Mahadevan and his students started the show at the Nagapattinam Natyanjali that day. Within minutes of his performance, the place was full.. appreciation genuine.  This is the 14th year of the festival. They served us such delicious panakalkandu milk, sundal was served to  the audiences too. Here we added  our  piece from the Hanuman Chalisa-- and many uninitiated members of the audience  were moved when Rama embraced Hanuman. Just goes to show that as artistes we need to reach out to these audiences. For me  Natyanjali is just not a spiritual rejuvenation-- but it is also an outreach `programme'. It is important for us to do this.

We cannot blame the Aam aadmi if he chooses filmi dance over classical. It is instantly appealing, of course,  but hey that is all he is exposed to. So for me the  Natyanjali circuit works in many levels.

After Nagapattinam we drove back to Thirunallar and performed. We met so many artistes. So many pursue this art-form. So this is an industry too-- so many dancers, musicians, costumers, makeup men/women, jewellers, poo makers, light technicians.... its high time we organised ourselves and made a higher impact in the society.

We came back yesterday-- after many Khwaja ji fun moments. Thank you Roja and gang, dear girls, organisers and Almighty -- It was Bliss and I feel Blessed.

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Supermoon

June 23, 2013 at 10:32pm

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Did you see the moon so resplendent-- so close that I could touch it.

Imagine this moon today-- near the expanse of water-- sitting near the water-- looking at the moon. A favourite javali playing -- the expectation of a loved one-- or memories of a loved one.

The happy times-- the smiles-- the sharing and the caring. Gives hope to the living-- in the midst of devastation-- it's His way of saying that hope is there-- beautiful things exist around us-- He is there- the water is still-- can this play havoc on our lives-- it  is silent except for the sound of water, the breeze, the hair flying all over....

The events of the past years , months, weeks, days play in front of you.

The negativity that was there around you is comlpetely removed by that gentle breeze... I know this, the beautiful feeling, the rising of the moon , the supermoon... does not matter what people wanted to keep from you... they are talking about me-- I hear the faint strains that the breeze brings... its getting fainter as I stare at this huge expanse of water.... instead I hear the beautiful strains of music, the strumming of guitar, the bhajans early morning, the mridangam, the bells, that varnam, the javali that tillana, earl klugh, dire straits, whitney houston, shakthi,jagjith singh... i embrace that feeling tight-- in the coolness....

I wanted to leave dance/natya? I wonder? For what they said/say.... no no... this moon, the breeze, the strains of music... hope.. love ...

I dust the sand off my back---
Now to face that world--- should I? can't I just..... sshhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone!

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Parashah, Alchemists of Art celebrate their 10 years ...

November 4, 2013 at 7:23am

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As we prepare for our concert on Nov. 9th at the Academy-- I can only think about how Parashah our group traversed the path of natya. 10 years of hard work, fun and creativity.

What is Parashah? oh you guys have formed a company? how come you are all dancers trained under different guru-s....

Constant questions from people in and outside the natya  fraternity.

In 2002 , Natya Rangam, the dance wing of Narada Gana Sabha (bless them) brought us together.

We that is Roja, Srikanth, Lavanya Ananth(she was part of our group then) did not know each other personally. Knew about each other of course.
I still remember that small meeting room at NGS, where we first met-- where Sujatha mami briefed us about the concert at Bharatiyar Illam, she suggested some songs, we all exchanged numbers, decided on a date to practice and dispersed. Personally at that time I was grieving my dear brother, Mahesh's passing away and never thought that is group will be such an integral part of my natya journey.

We were a quartet with Lavanya, then we were 5 when Aswathy joined us. Now we are back again being a foursome.
Roja is our captain, she steers the ship, she tirelessly works for the group-- kudos to you Rose. It's her positivity and perseverance that's brought us this far together.
Hats off to you Srikanth for your creativity, your detailing in costumes, Aswathy for your quiet support.....

It is this synergy that keeps our group together, we learn to laugh off our differences, really appreciate each others prowess... egos are kept aside...

A decade later, here we are doing our production at the Academy. While many can say that it is a venue, that too chosen by us, and that Music Academy didn't invite us... For us it is the excitement of dancing TOGETHER in that venue, all 4 of us-- Roja, Srikanth, Ashwathi and I-- have anyway danced there solos/duet. I am sure there will be a time when the Academy will invite us (hey I am a positive person)!

When I think of Parashah I am always reminded about that quote

We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams.”― Albert Einstein

That sums up our group  philosophy so well. ..

So as we celebrate our ten years of coming together, come and celebrate along with us
See ya on the 9th.

I ME MYSELF

December 9, 2013 at 7:12am

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Most of us were glued to the television sets-- endorsing the `sweeping' changes in our poll results...

Most of us artistes are busy rehearsing, working on our productions, photo shoots, vying with each other in posting photographs, getting our sari-s out, our jewellery ready...

Most of us are glued to the television sets watching the dismal performance by the cricket team, watching football, Karan Johar with Kareena (without a T) and Ranbir....

But do we know that for people like Kasthuri-- my maid-- none of these matters. There was her husband drunk in front of a water lorry. She pulled him by his shirt away from the way---- and what a price she paid!
He beat her, hit her on her eyes, pulled clumps of hair from her recently tonsured head, kicked her.... her body aches she said

What did I do? just applied some bengay. I shouted said that we should put him in jail... but she pleaded saying that she cannot do that to him, the beast. She is the earning member, she is the cook, she cleans, she washes... she is a homemaker, she is the career woman, she is the punching bag....

She still manages to smile...

I am angry, I am crying inside .. I am helpless... oh I have to go for my exercise.. I have my dance... I ... I.....
Kasthuri smiles....Muniyamma smiles... Valli smiles.....

I have to practise my smile for my character....My laugh... I talk of humbling moments-- Ego, id and Super Id

The world is still about ME right as Kasthuri smiles.... with pain in her eyes.